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Oma Sue's Blog

Hi – I’m Sue Reyzlik. I recently realized my life-long dream of building a writing hut in the backyard. The writing hut serves as a creative space and home office for Oma Publishing. This blog will be intermingled with family history, varied experiences and insights on being a Grandma (Oma), creating my special backyard space, as well as, my “retirement” career as a self-publisher of children’s stories. And perhaps a little bit on the 32 years I served as Executive Director for Keep Fremont Beautiful and the wonderful people who are sharing this adventure.

September Sucks...

9/20/2023

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I fully anticipated that I was going to be ok this September.  I wasn’t going to lament my whole “Wake Me Up When September Ends” theme song from Green Day… You know the song I mean…  

Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last, Wake me up when September ends…

Let me make this perfectly clear – September is and will always be a shit month – in my estimation, it deserves that designation.  However, in recent years, I have made a conscious effort not to let the memories of September dominate my thinking.  It’s a let go kind of thing – it’s a healing kind of thing  -- maybe even a maturity kind of thing. 

Like my father’s come to pass… Seven years has gone so fast… Wake me up when September ends…

Note to self… congratulations Sue for getting through a significant portion of September before having the initial September 2023 Episode of “I want to crawl back in my bed and sleep until this crazy ass month is over” moment… I mean, 18 days into September before the “Losing my September Shit Moment” is amazing – it’s got to be a record. 

Here comes the rain again… Falling from the stars… Drenched in my pain again…

There is a surprise to what will set you off… the shocker doesn’t come creeping around a corner in the dark…or jump out of a closet… it gradually appears in full daylight, the traffic light, the cement truck in position, workers readying the spot, the motion draws your attention, you look to the left as you pass by the City building … where is his tree?  There is no tree.  What the hell?

Becoming who we are… As my memory rests… But never forgets what I lost… Wake me up when September ends…

When my husband Randy passed away in 2006, he was the City Administrator of Fremont.  He was a special man who believed in God and lived his life in service to the public.  He loved me and our family.  He worked hard to make Fremont an affordable, decent, welcoming and safe place to live. 

I have fond memories of Randy racing out to the car at lunch time, so we could grab a quick bite to eat.  Anyone who knew Randy, knew that he ran into and out of the office… it was really cute.  That west entrance to the City building was special to me – it’s where we met, said our goodbyes, where I saw him running to my car, where I saw him running as he returned to work…

I wanted to plant a tree in Randy’s memory and I was so happy that the City allowed us to use a grassy area on the west side of the building.  I had a rock from his parent’s farm engraved with his name and the date of his birth and death and placed it beside the tree.  It was a lovely reminder to me of that sacred spot where I would see my Randy coming and going… it comforted me to know that his memory remained in a place that he held dear.

Eventually, the tree needed to be removed for the remodeling of the west entrance.  The City notified me and they assured me they would plant another tree and move the rock to another location.  The move was necessary and I was grateful that a new tree would be planted in his memory.  A tree planting ceremony was held the next year.  The tree died after the first winter… they notified me that spring that a replacement tree would be planted in the fall.   It was. 

This brings me to September 18th and the realization that the second replacement tree had been removed.  I’m heading out to Johnson Crossing.  My granddaughter left her ID at home… she needs it for lunch… I stay on task.  I hadn’t heard from anyone from the City.  I wonder why I haven’t heard from them.  I have a few minutes, so I dial Randy’s old number… 727-2630… I still remember it… how long has it been?  Seventeen years Seventeen years, seven months and 18 days…

  Summer has come and passed… The innocent can never last… Wake me up when September ends…

I speak to someone who has been there only two years.  He does not know what I am talking about… Randy Reyzlik… never heard of him… tree?  Rock?  I have no idea.  I’m the only one here…

Now I’m flustered… why can’t I remember Brian’s assistant’s name?  I ask him if he remember the lady who took Jan Rise’s place… I don’t know who Jan Rise is…  No one  is left up on second floor who remembers anyone… this makes me sad…  We finally figure out that Mark is still with the Park’s Department and he will send me his cell phone number.  Maybe he will know what is going on.

I arrive at the 5-6 building and take Rai’s ID card to the office.  I come back to my car and find that I haven’t received a text message.  I return home via Military Avenue.  As I drive, I call Casey and tell her I’m drawing a blank on Layla’s sister’s name… Lottie – oh shit – is she still with the City – yes.  I decide to stop at the City Office and see if Lottie is in… I won’t tell her I couldn’t remember her name. 

I park in the lot and walk to the west entrance.  I’m feeling fine… just need to find out about the tree.  As I near the ramp, I decide to look at the rock… I take a picture of the empty tree spot and the rock… I’m thinking that this is a rather good planting location now that the ramp is here… people will see Randy’s tree and rock!   I vow to take the ramp and say Hi to Randy… that is, if I ever enter the building again. 

Opening the door, I am surprised at the large lobby area.  It’s nice.  The new elevator is to the left… they must have taken out that first floor office to make the lobby… cool.  The old elevator is gone… I remember how there was a little door in that original elevator… when Ramie was a toddler, she would ride the elevator and tell everyone that the little door is where the monkeys go.  I recalled the times Randy would ride the elevator, holding Ramie high on his hip while I ran down the stairs to see who would win the race… it was a hilarious lunch time ritual – you had to be there!

I walk into the Department of Utilities payment area – everyone is busy – no one makes eye contact.  I used to be greeted – those days are past… A man from the armored truck company comes up and knocks on the door, a woman comes from the back-office area to let him in.  I walk over to get her attention before she can close the door and ask if Lottie is available.  She tells me she is out to lunch – I ask her to give her a message to call me… she will.

I walk back out the door to leave, but decide to take the elevator up to the second floor.  I haven’t gotten a text yet… that guy should have sent me Mark’s cell phone by now… it’s been over half an hour.   This new elevator is bigger… it’s nice… no place for monkeys though…

The desks behind the counter are empty except for one guy at the middle cubicle.  He looks at me dully… blank eyes – no smile.  I ask him if he is the one, I talked to earlier about the memorial tree.  He says no… continues to maintain a dull expression… staring ahead… no emotion.  

I tell him that I spoke with a gentleman who was going to text me the phone number for Mark and he hasn’t done it… I ask him if he can give me his number.  At this he stands up and says yes and then corrects course and says, maybe you talked to “fill in the blank” (I don’t remember names at all.) and walks to an office on the east side of the building. 

A young gentleman comes out holding his cell phone.  He informs me that he is the one I talked to.  Since the tree is planted on this building site, the person I need to talk to is Lottie.  I inform him that I have left a message for her to call.  He is still talking about how he can’t do this and he doesn’t know that… and he looks at me as if I’m the most pathetic person on the planet… then I see Nate sitting at Kim’s old desk…I leave the young gentleman, name unknown – don’t care, standing there talking about nothing, holding his cell phone, protecting Mark’s privacy…

Ring out the bells again… Like we did when spring began… Wake me up when September ends…

I enter Nate’s office and ask – Do you know me?  He smiles and says yes – Hi Sue.  The tears well up inside my eyes and I am overcome by gratitude that someone here on second floor knows me and will smile at me.  Everything has changed.  Randy is gone… again.  Kim is gone… that makes me sad… so much has changed and yet shitty September remains.

Not a single person… no one… right now… right here… has any direct knowledge of Randy Reyzlik… no one knows what he meant to the City and what he meant to me and my kids.  At least Nate knows me - I'm still sad but less so.  Strengthened, I walk back into the office of the man who had originally taken my call… With tears in my eyes, I tell him that Randy Reyzlik was special, he was a great man, a dedicated public servant… I encourage him to look him up – google him – find out about the guy who has a tree and rock dedicated to him at the end of the ramp… all city employees should strive to be like him.  I leave, taking the familiar steps down… as the tears fall, I imagine Randy and I are rushing out to lunch…

Here comes the rain again… Falling from the stars… Drenched in my pain again… Becoming who we are… As my memory rests… But never forgets what I lost… Wake me up when September ends…


I have lots of wonderful memories of Randy and I will always cherish the special times we shared together.  Randy came into my life when I least expected it and he added so much to my existence.  I am grateful that I had a wonderful caring, loving, smart, funny man who loved me and all of our children.   September 2004 is when Randy was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor.  He underwent the delicate surgery at Methodist Hospital. The doctors were only able to remove a portion of the tumor.  Randy bravely fought the tumor with chemotherapy and radiation...he was doing great! The next September, in 2005, the tumor, instead of shrinking, began to grow.  The Green Day song referenced in the article, speaks to me... September is a beautiful month and yet it sucks... you never know how it will come back unexpectedly to bite you on the ass... 

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Wake me up when September ends...

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Luncheon in the Greenhouse

1/30/2023

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      Years ago, I found a picture of a group of men sitting at a long table in the greenhouse.  It was pretty weird… no explanation.  The long dining table was sitting atop a super long bench inside the chrysanthemum growing house.  I could make out my Grandpa Joe standing at the left rear of the table, but the other 30 (or so) men peering around each other for the photo op, were unrecognizable to me.
 
      I’m not sure how much weight those growing benches were designed to carry but I don’t think it was built to hold the burden of that many men perched on a single bench. 

       I’m sure Grandpa Joe had calculated the load and added the necessary support for the extra heft… at least I had never heard of a massive collapse involving a group of men, dressed in suits, dining in the greenhouse in the middle of the day.

       If I hadn’t found the picture, I wouldn’t have known such an event had even occurred.  Fun picture, no idea what was going on.  Fast forward to my cousin Cindy bringing over some family picture albums and scrapbooks last year.  Every once in a while, I open an old album, peruse its contents and learn something new. 

       A few weeks ago, I found an article that I believe was printed in the Fremont newspaper – the date listed above the article was January 11, 1929.  It was a short little piece - the headline read “PUBLICITY FOR LOCAL KIWANIS CLUB IS GIVEN”.   I knew that my grandfather was a long-time member of the local Kiwanis Club – even attending meetings when he traveled with Grandma Lil across the country.  I wasn’t sure if the article would give me any insight to his life but decided to read it rather than pass onto the next page… here is what the article said.
 
          Fremont and one of its business houses, Greens Greenhouses, are receiving world-wide publicity this month as the result of a novel luncheon tendered members of the Fremont Kiwanis club in the greenhouses las November.

           The Greens invited the club to a luncheon in the greenhouse which proved to be a real surprise.  The luncheon table was set in one of the greenhouses amid a profusion of hot-house flowers, chiefly 20 varieties of chrysanthemums. 

         A picture of the luncheon guests seated at the table inside the greenhouse, together with a write-up of the novel stunt, appears in the January issue of F.T.D. News, official publication for members of Florists’ Telegraph Delivery.

         The magazine goes to more than 3,000 florists in the United States and Canada, to more than 400 members in England and the British Isles, 70 members in Germany, 25 members in France, 18 members in Austria, Belgium, Bermuda, Brazil, Chile, Cuba, Egypt, Finland, Greece, Hawaiian Island, Italy, Japan, Mexico, Norway, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, and a number of other countries.

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     Finding these news clippings and putting them together with a picture is so entertaining for me.  Sharing the picture and the newspaper article on Oma Sue’s Blog is my attempt at preserving family anecdotes for my little family.  I wish I could find the FTD News Magazine, I would love to share that… maybe it will turn up one day.   

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Great Grandpa Charles Green and the Orchid Plant

1/8/2023

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          Back in 1896 my Great Grandfather bought the greenhouse that had been built at 14th and Pebble streets here in Fremont.  I sort of remember my Grandpa Joe Green telling me the story of Charles coming to Fremont on the train and then riding the trolley line as far as he could… Maybe at the corner of Linden and Platte, is where the trolley line ended – I’ll have to check on that.
            Anyway, he walked the rest of the way to the greenhouse and began his life as a business ​owner, grower and florist.  In 1897 he married Katie Rogers, and they started their family and together they ran the business for over three decades until his death in February of1932.
            I have heard stories about my great grandfather from various family members and I’ve enjoyed pouring over the picture albums and scrapbooks to get a better idea of his early years, the happenings of the day, his many accomplishments, and the numerous adventures he undertook during his life.
            I found an article that was printed in the “Herald” on March 4, 1926.  There is a picture of my Great Grandfather in the article.  I will include the picture of Charles Green but the original article, is hard to read, sooo… I will type it out for you – just as it was written and punctuated!

Charles H. Green
Fremont, florist, who is just back from a two months’ sojourn in Florida, and comes laden with reports of that wondrous land, which rival one’s wildest dreams.
 

FREMONT FLORIST BACK FROM SOJOURN IN SUNNY FLORIDA
                                                  ​_____________________
 
       Mr. and Mrs. Charles H. Green of Green’s Greenhouse, and their daughter, Miss Rose, are back in Fremont following a two months’ winter sojourn in Florida, and they come laden with reports of conditions of that wondrous land which rival the climaxes of youth’s fondest dreams or most daring of romances.
       In the first place, Mr. Green tells the Herald that on the southeast coast of the peninsula they’ve fairly gone crazy over real estate sales and prices.  He declares that one can buy lots in the business sections of New York or Chicago—“right on State Street, Chicago” are his very words – for less than one can buy a lot in Palm Beach or Miami.  Mr. Green incidentally suggested that the time is not far distant when that part of Florida will experience something such as this middlewest farming section went through following the inflated war-time prices on farmland – only perhaps a great deal worse.
       Mr. Green’s twenty acres of Florida land lie just south of Lake Okeechobee.  It is improved land, with a house on it and all under cultivation, thought it represents an investment on his part of not over a hundred dollars an acre.  He left her about the first of January, he said, with the full intention of selling that land, if he could get $250 an acre for it, for it was his and Mrs. Green’s desire to acquire a home on the coast instead.
       When he arrived there, he was offered $300 an acre for his land.  He hesitated.  Then the offer was raised, until finally $600 an acre was named.  By this time, the Fremont florist had got quite out of the notion of selling, so he came back still owner of his Florida tract.
     Mr. Green favors the west coast of Florida.  The section lying between Bonita Springs and Tampa, he declares, is far ahead of the southeastern section which has been undergoing such exploitation of late.  The soil is much better, he says, and it is his intention to buy acreage some where there within the near future, likely at Bonita Springs.
       It was while on a trip from their farm in the center of the lower peninsula westward that Mr. and Mrs. Green and their daughter fell in with a former Fremonter.   At first Mr. Green says he did not recognize his former townsman.  He says he knew the man very much resembled Mr. W.W. Lee, at one time a few years ago proprietor of a ladies’ ready-to-wear clothing and millinery business in the Lee-Haven block, on East Sixth.

 
       That’s it – a little article – a smidgeon of documentation.  The article certainly makes it seem that this is a return trip to Florida, so I am not sure what year he actually bought the property.  I’m guessing it was a year or two before the trip down there in January of 1926.  I’m also not sure when Grandpa Charles brought two Florida alligators up to the Greenhouse.  And I’m also not sure how long those two alligators lasted being caged up under the benches in the greenhouse… I just know as a child playing in the greenhouse, I always kept an eye out for anything lurking in the darkness under the benches.  My cousin Cindy and I would scare ourselves silly imagining a gator grabbing at our ankles as we ran the aisles.   It was great fun.
       Anyway – at some point Grandpa Charles did bring a few tropical plants up from Florida and that made more sense.  He experimented with raising those plants in the greenhouse.  I think the plants fared better than the alligators, but it took a while for them to adjust to greenhouse living.   
        One particular plant he brought back to Fremont was a Cattleya Orchid.  Now this is one of those times when I don’t think I am lying… I think I am telling the truth!! It is my understanding that the orchid plant hadn’t bloomed before Great Grandpa Charles died, from pneumonia, in 1932.  My Grandpa “Carnation” Joe did however nurture the orchid plant and keep it alive.  He hoped that the plant would bloom one day...
       On my parents wedding day, Grandpa Joe found that after patiently waiting decades, the orchid plant had finally bloomed.  Grandpa Joe plucked that beautiful flower for my mom.  Mom’s wedding bouquet contained the very first bloom from the orchid plant that my Great Grandfather had brought from Florida all those many years before. 
       Great Grandpa Charles had died, never having seen the blooms of this particular plant, but he had hopes that the flowers would one day be enjoyed by family and customers!  He was a businessman after all.
       The blooming of the orchid plant on January 14th, was an auspicious event for my mom, her father Joe and for her Grandmother Katie.  I’m sure they all felt the presence of Grandpa Charles that day.  It was a very special blessing for the celebration of their union as man and wife.
       That orchid plant continued to thrive and bloom.  I’m not sure how many times it was divided… lots of times!  Every January there were beautiful purple orchids lovingly arranged in vases, sitting on Mom's kitchen table and on the coffee table in the living room.  Those blooms brightened the dark cold days of winter and warmed our spirits - you just couldn't help but be happy with a big purple orchid staring at you in the face... those blooms are magic mood changers. 
       When Mom died on January 6th of 2009, the orchid plant was blooming.  I brought Dad into the greenhouse so we could order the flowers.  He stood at the counter and looked at Jessie and said, “I don’t care what other flowers you use, but you must have an orchid in the casket spray”.  He wiped at his eye and said, “She has to have an orchid”.
       Oh - there were orchids.  The flowers at her funeral were beautiful, absolutely stunning, and many arrangements included the massive cattleya purple orchids.  The orchids held a special significance in my mom and dad’s hearts. The whole family felt that significance and that connection… this particular flower was there at the very start of my family.  That orchid plant was probably in the greenhouse before my mom was ever born.  That orchid plant was part of my great grandparent’s adventure, my grandparents adventure, my mom and dad's adventure, my brother Stacy’s adventure and my son Evan’s adventure.  
       When the greenhouses were torn down, the orchid plants were brought into the conservatory.  When the conservatory was to be dismantled, the orchids were sold, and several were given to family members.  My brother Stacy took one to Houston and my son took one to Dallas.  When my brother moved to Bonaire, he gave the Cattleya plant to a friend for safe keeping.  Whenever the plant blooms, his friend sends him a picture and my brother shares the photo with me.
       My oldest daughter Sara gave me an orchid plant for Mother’s Day, 2022.  The gift warmed my heart – it was beautiful… and a tad scary.  I managed to keep the plant alive and recently that little plant bloomed.  It isn’t a cattleya orchid, but it is purple!  The plant bloomed this last week…  On the anniversary of mom’s death, January 6th, there were two blooms, one for Mom and one for Dad.  My little orchid plant bloomed in January… just as Great Grandpa Charles’s Orchid Plant bloomed in January for decades - that was significant… that was special… it warmed my heart.
 
Special Note: The purple orchid is a symbol of seeking spiritual enlightenment and attempting to understand the deeper meaning behind the universe. If you feel a particularly strong sense of connection or affinity for the purple orchid, it could signify that you are internally seeking a spiritual guide or lesson.  (Well, ya - always)



A little family photo slide show... a Green past... enjoy!

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Time With Old Friends

10/13/2022

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Nebraska City was a frequent destination when our little family needed a brief getaway.  Nebraska City is a special place and holds precious memories.  Here's a sampling of family, friends and a special place held firmly in my heart...
 

      I go to Facebook every day.  One feature that I really like is the “Facebook Memories”.  A few weeks ago, a memory popped up of a picture of me with my two dear friends, Jane Polson and Sue Smith.  I reposted the memory and said something to the effect that I missed these two women. 
       Jane Polson had been the President and CEO of Keep Nebraska Beautiful since 1991 and Sue Smith had been the Keep America Beautiful Affiliate Education Director – also since 1991.  Actually, they were both hired on the same day in February 1991, and they helped each other find their footing in their respective positions.  I met both of them (in person) in March of 1991 and we three became good work partners and over the years, personal friends.
​         I retired as Executive Director in 2017 and as a Financial Assistant and Trainer for KFB in 2019.  Jane retired in 2019 and Sue retired a few times… but it doesn’t seem to work very well for her, and she continues to help out frequently.  
        It was so fun to see that memory pop up on Facebook.  The three of us standing together at a KNB Conference – me in the middle – sandwiched between two of my most favorite human beings.  I saw those smiling faces and I was reminded of how much I missed our times together. 
            Retirement has taken us in different directions and the Pandemic hasn’t made it any easier to travel.   Luckily, we kept in touch via social media and Jane saw my post!  She thought it was time for an in person visit!  I suggested Nebraska City as we had met there many times for the KNB Conferences. 
            Vanessa (Keep Columbus Beautiful) saw the Facebook post and called Jane to tell her the KNB Conference would be held at the end of September in Nebraska City.  Vanessa thought it would be a great idea if we three could arrange our visit to coincide with the conference – she missed us too – that was so sweet. 
       And just like that, Sue scheduled a flight from Chicago, Jane arranged to pick Sue up in Kansas City and I made plans with my daughter for her to take the night off her job so she could care for her daughter!  Wow – we would all meet up at the Lied Conference Center – just like old times.  I couldn’t wait. 
            On the day of the getaway, I had to deliver a painting to my other daughter Sara – she lives down in Ceresco.  So, I started out early – well early for me… around nine or so and took off for Sara’s.  Stopped for just a few minutes, hung the painting and then took off via county roads to Nebraska City. 
                It was a beautiful, sunny fall day.  Perfect for driving through the Nebraska countryside.  I was reminded of all the fall days that Randy and I would drive back and forth to Omaha during Septembers in 2004 and 2005. 
             In September of 2004 he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer.  He had surgery then chemo and then radiation.  The doctors had given him 6 months to a year.  We felt gratitude that he was doing so well and keeping the tumor under control.
In September of 2005, the tumor began to grow, and he started experimental chemotherapy and more radiation.  Frequent trips to Omaha were a constant for the month of September and October. 
         Randy would sit quietly in his seat and watch the scenery as I drove.  He commented every day, on how lucky we were to travel during such a beautiful season.  The colorful fall leaves were putting on a show just for us, to make our drive more pleasant - he marveled at our luck to make these travels at such a wonderful time of year.
            The route I traveled cross country from Ceresco to Nebraska City was not familiar but obviously I had a sense of where I was going.  I felt more confident as I passed through Ashland and saw the Aero Space Museum, the Wildlife Safari and Mahoney State Park – I was traveling in the right direction. 
            The two-lane roads were clogged at intervals with semi-trucks exiting the harvested fields - loaded to the brim with corn.  Farm machinery slowed the traffic on the rolling hills, but it was a most pleasant drive during a beautiful season here in Nebraska.  
            I arrived in Nebraska City a little before lunch and met up with Sue and Jane at a marvelous shop and restaurant in the downtown area – The Keeping Room.  The business and restaurant are housed in a two-story historic downtown building.  It’s a really cool space.  The gifts and products offered in the shop are unique and fun.  The food is delicious.   I had a haddock salad croissant, and it was delicious!  The owner of the business had caught the haddock herself – so that was a fun little fact!  So glad she would share!  Randy would have loved it.
            It was so fun to see Jane and Sue – our friendship is one where you pick up right where you left off.  We spent time getting caught up on the last few years and talking about all the great times we had together.  We talked about what we missed from our jobs. 
Sue and I talked about adjusting to widowhood and losing our biggest fans… it had been two years since Jim had died and over 16 years since Randy had passed. 
            Lunch finished, we headed for the Lied Conference Center.  The newly hired Keep America Beautiful President, Jenny Lawson was scheduled to present her vision for KAB and the affiliate organizations.  I didn’t really care if I sat in on the presentation or not but, because Jane and Sue were so interested, I decided I should make an effort. 
         I have to admit, I was a little confused.  Since, I’ve been retired, things have happened with the National organization – it took me a while to get caught up.  At the end of the presentation, she asked if there were any questions… no one raised their hands… I had a shit ton of questions.  I remained quiet and sat on my hands.  I kept reminding myself I’m retired.
      After Jenny was done with her bit, Sue, Jane and I went to see if we could check in.  My room was ready, but Sue and Jane’s room wasn’t.  We decided to change in my room and go for a walk on the grounds.  The place has amazing walking trails, and we were looking forward to stretching our legs. 
        We met in the lobby and ended up talking to a few affiliates – eventually we found our way outside… we oooooed and aaaaaed at how the trees had grown and we reminisced about the times we spent on the veranda – sipping adult beverages and meeting with old associates. 
      Peaking over the high stone edge, I spotted a fire pit that had been placed in what had formerly been a grassy area… Oooo let’s go down there!  So, single file, using the hand railing, three little old ladies moved slowly down the massive steps, three abreast we walked the short distance on the wide sidewalk to the firepit.    It was about a hundred steps – maybe not that far.  Our hike was off to a great start – couldn’t wait to see the total on my Fitbit! 
      This fire pit area was new.  This outside fire feature consisted of a large concrete circle with a stone wall around the edge of the circle.  There were openings in the circle where the sidewalks entered from different directions… many paths led to the fire feature.   
         A single young woman was seated at the far side of the circle – in one of the largest and heaviest Adirondack chairs I had ever seen or tried to scooch over just a bit…uh – not budging.  That’s alright I faced the sun.
          The firepit wasn’t a firepit after all – it was a massive and might I add, well-constructed raised stone fireplace.  We three ignored the young woman and continued our chatting and hysterical laughing.  Even chatting about the trials and tribulations of running a national non-profit organization during a pandemic.
       We three had been associated with KAB for decades.  We had been true devotees to the organization and were dedicated to the success of the national organization and to the affiliates.  We talked about what was important in our day and what should be important now.  We talked about the challenges, and we talked about what Jenny had said to the affiliates during her presentation.  We may have retired but we still very much care about our shared environment and making our communities cleaner, healthier and more beautiful. 
            Before we knew it, hours had passed, and we needed to get ready for the awards dinner. Our big hike was in the 190-210 step range; however, we did have to walk back up the stairs so that was kind of a big deal… And - yes, we were invited to the dinner, but it felt like we were crashing it.
            The awards highlighted some very special projects that had been completed in the last year here in Nebraska.  Projects that beautified our communities, increased recycling and helped manage our wastes in best possible practices. 
           The awards also highlighted how difficult it had been for some affiliates to maintain the Presidential Circle Award Criteria during the Pandemic.  I was proud that Keep Fremont Beautiful was one of two Nebraska Affiliates to manage that level of achievement during a trying time. 
            I had overseen the Keep Fremont Beautiful program for 32 years… it was my baby.  I’m glad that my baby is in good hands and is still thriving.  Casey and Alicia are doing an amazing job and I felt fortunate to be sitting in the audience as they received the award. 
            The evening finished off with more talking in the lounge at the lodge.   The new CEO of KAB sat down next to me, giving me a ring side seat to a less formal discussion of recent struggles and plans for improving the National Organization and relationships with the affiliates.  It’s kind of funny – but over the years I’ve had any number of ring side seats to these types of discussions.  One thing is for sure… change.
            Shit happens and things change.  More change is in the making and all any of us can do is hang on and adapt to the changes that have been thrust upon us.  Luckily for Keep America Beautiful, and our shared environment, they have hired a most qualified person to lead the organization.   I truly am grateful that I had an opportunity to meet with Jenny and get to know her and learn more about her vision for KAB.
            I am grateful that I had such a fulfilling career – I truly enjoyed my job at KFB.  I am also grateful that Sue, Jane and I were able to clear our schedules and have some quality time to get caught up at one of our favorite places in the whole world.
            After a late breakfast the next morning, I took off for home.  I traveled the familiar route and thought of Randy once again.  It was another clear day and Nebraska showed off its lovely fall colors.  He would have enjoyed the drive… he would have enjoyed visiting with Sue and Jane, but he would have enjoyed spending time with Ramie in Nebraska City the most.
            He and Ramie would go to the conferences with me, and they would keep themselves busy while I was in meetings.  The memories of them in the swimming pool came to mind.  The memories of eating together in the dining room came as well… visiting John Brown’s Cave, going to the movies, visiting Arbor Day Farm and Arbor Lodge all came pouring back – just like that old Facebook memory of Sue, Jane and I… it was comforting to think about those precious moments we shared in Nebraska City. 

​
         Thanks to my old friends for our time together… Thanks for the best memories… Thanks for the NEW memories....

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Laps and Rants

5/6/2022

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I have this thing I did when I was working… when I started brainstorming… I would have to get up and start moving around the office while wildly throwing out ideas – well maybe not so much like throwing out ideas as throwing up a rambling heap of word vomit…  (Uh - nice visual)
 
 Cathi would watch me as I moved around the room, dutifully taking notes and smiling, sometimes laughing or maybe she was cringing…  I flailed my arms and exaggerated my steps, punctuating a thought with a little jump, followed by long strides and sudden stops and silences… When I was reasoning through some part of the job – writing a grant – figuring out an education program – putting together a response to a community complaint… I would go on these theatrical romps. 
 
I didn’t do this all the time… only if I had an audience.  Suffice it to say, very few people had the opportunity to witness my thought process antics, as I worked alone for many years – so maybe it was just Randy and Cathi who had the privilege to view me in my full-on animated glory…
 
Anyway – on Tuesday, I was particularly stressed.  My thought processes were backing up on me and I wasn’t sure how to handle all the arguments bouncing around in my head.  Sara (my oldest daughter) was coming for the day to continue the spring-cleaning purge – it’s an annual thing that spans many weeks.  Tuesday was like day 3 or 4 in this year’s liquidation cycle and the split-second Sara opened the door, all good intentions of spring cleaning escaped the building… and just like that, I launched into what I consider to be a sensible, rather impressive Supreme Court of The United States free-associating rant.
 
You see… I am upset about the Supreme Court.  I am upset at the prospect of Roe Vs. Wade being overthrown.  I’m frustrated and I’m angry.  And yes, I have been meditating but I think I needed to rant to truly get all those negative thoughts out of my system…
 
I fully recognize that I am a work in process maybe even a little progress… not totally detached, but aware enough to know that detachment is one of my personal issues that stands between me and calm – maintaining a state of “calm”, maintaining a state of detachment is off somewhere in the distance.  I keep heading towards “it” but “it” is aways away!
 
So back to the rant… Just steps into the kitchen, Sara realized that this was different.  Mom (speaking of myself in the third person) was seething.  She put down her purse, grabbed her water bottle and sat down at the dining room table… she chose the seat closest to the east windows.   It was like she had a premonition that she had to sit there to get the best view of the upcoming spectacle. 
 
 The pacing area for the rant was limited by the layout of my house but due to the recent wall removal and remodeling of the kitchen, I was able to move freely from the kitchen, through the dining room, around the living room and back again.  The route was replicated numerous times during the rant and my whirling choreography visible to Sara for the entire performance.  Good seat Sara!
 
Honestly, I can’t remember the exact wording of the harangue, but I think we can all be fairly certain it was laced with profanity from beginning to end.  In the safety of my own home… I let it all hang out as I stomped, twisted, turned, pounded my fist and shouted out my list of grievances against the politization of the court, the corruption of the court and the overall lack of ethics and oversight of the court. 
 
I explained to Sara what the leaked document contained and how it impacted all women – I explained that I wasn’t concerned for me, at this time in my life, but I was most assuredly concerned for the safety and health of the younger girls and women in our family and our nation – I told her that I was scared and I was angry.    I brought up the rage I feel towards McConnell, Trump, Evangelicals, Republicans, Religious Fanatics, and even friends and family who do not support a woman’s right to choose – I was basically totally rat shit pissed at the current state of reproductive rights destruction. 
 
As I was winding down the masterfully delivered and genuinely inspired bombast, I succinctly pronounced to my audience of one… “it is time for me to go to Washington and demonstrate.  It is time for me to go get arrested for defending the rights of women.”  I paused – waiting for her reaction, nothing… deer in the headlights… When I asked if she was in… she burst into laughter… she wasn’t sure she had time to get arrested in Washington.  Fair enough.  I sat down, joining her at the dining room table…
 
Calmer… not calm-calm… but somewhat calmer, I gazed into Sara’s eyes and my mind drifted back to March of 1981 and the emergency room in Omaha.  I began to relive those details of that fateful night… how I had almost died when I was seven months pregnant with Evan.  I remembered how difficult it was for me – even faced with my own death, to make the decision to end the pregnancy.  It was a decision that I made in consultation with my doctor and other health professionals gathered in the examining room.  Realizing that this pregnancy was out of my control, I submitted to God and asked him to handle it for me.
 
I stared off into space as I explained to Sara that if this leaked SCOTUS document becomes the final judgement of the court, then that would mean that women, like me in 1981, facing imminent death, would have no choice… they would not be allowed to end their pregnancy.  The decision would no longer be up to her and her doctor.  Her and her God.  Women would have no right to privacy.  Every woman dying from health complications caused by the pregnancy, every woman with internal bleeding and organs shutting down, would be forced to stay pregnant and die.
 
Again, I looked deeply into Sara’s soul and told her how much I would have missed seeing her grow up.  How much I would have missed knowing Evan and seeing him survive and thrive.  How fortunate I felt to have endured, and survived that horrible health crisis.  I survived, because it was my choice.  Me having the right to end that pregnancy had given me and my baby life. 
 
I recalled the moment, when I woke up in the recovery room and learned that the baby was a boy and he had survived.  He had come out and pissed all over the doctors and nurses assembled to save his life – they had laughed in relief that his plumbing was working.  Evan had been whisked away to Children’s Hospital (which was 40 some blocks away in those days) and I was relieved he was getting the excellent care that only they could provide.  I recalled how I thanked God for taking care of everything!
 
I reminded Sara, as I so often do, of that life altering moment while in intensive care, when I left my body.  I was free of the pain – it was a glorious feeling.   I described how effortlessly I moved through the darkness and towards the light.  I recalled how the light was communicating with me in a telepathic method… there were no words… just an understanding.  I wanted desperately to go into the light but the light thwarted my efforts to enter.  The light was in control – I had given control of my life to the light and this was a not so gentle reminder to get my shit together and go back. 
 
I have told this story of my experience with the light many times.  It doesn’t vary in the telling – at least I don’t think it does.  The light made it clear that I was not entering and if I had to put the telepathic message in words, it would be this…  “I never said it was going to be easy.  You have everything you need, inside you, to get through anything… now you need to go back.”  

That type A personality thing I have going on, on the earthly plane, is a problem…it seems that personality can travel without a body – funny thing.  Anyway - I tried one more time to work my way into the light… the light pulsated and grew from a circle to a cone – the force of the energy grew - it was immense, I was being put in my place… and then the light imploded into itself and boom - nothing...  sending me violently back into my body and all my worldly pain and problems. 
 
I explained to Sara how my experience with the light has guided me through so many hardships and losses.  Life sucks!  But I am comforted by the fact that the light is in control.   The light gave me the strength to finally rid myself of her father and ultimately finding my way to Randy.   I explained how trusting God and ending that pregnancy had enhanced our lives for the better.  How ending that pregnancy had eventually led Randy and I to adding a precious little girl to our family through adoption.  It was a tender moment… but just for a moment…
 
The calm had passed… I took my place on stage for Act II…  it was a forceful performance, reiterating my stand on safe and legal abortion… (I must admit I was pretty shouty – projecting to those in the balcony, no doubt) “CARRYING A BABY TO TERM, OR ENDING ANY PREGNANCY AT ANYTIME, MUST ALWAYS REMAIN THE CHOICE OF THE WOMAN.   A CHOICE MADE BETWEEN A WOMAN AND HER GOD.  THE CHOICE MUST NEVER BE MADE BY SOME DOUCHEBAG OFFICIALS IN WASHINGTON D.C.  IF AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL IS RAPED AND AS A RESULT OF THAT CRIME, BECOMES PREGNANT, SHE MUST NEVER BE FORCED TO COMPLETE THAT PREGNANCY – A PREGNANCY THAT COULD KILL HER – THAT IS BULLSHIT!
 
With that, I made a one-eighty, heading for the living room to begin another series of laps and rants… when to my surprise and de-LIGHT… (see what I did there - de-LIGHT... funny huh?) I spied with my little eye, the banner at the bottom of the television screen… it read… “WOMEN MOBILIZE TO PROTEST DRAFT RULING – WASHINGTON D.C.”  I quick grabbed the remote and unmuted the audio… Groups across the United States were mobilizing to protest – Groups were mobilizing to determine best strategies to fight this ruling – Groups were mobilizing to get the votes out – Groups were mobilizing to protect the Right to Privacy…  A great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. 
 
I wasn’t alone…  there are younger, more capable women who can wage this battle – it’s time to pass the torch.   I mean... I still have everything inside of me to get through anything, but so do they, and it is their turn to shine the light!
 
My relationship with pregnancy was not an easy one.  Some women can get pregnant and pop out a baby and barely notice.  All my pregnancies were celebrated!  The loss of the first baby was devastating - I mourned that loss.   I had a rare health condition and I needed time to heal.   I was eventually able to conceive a second child and she was a biggie - I didn’t think I could ever do that again.  But I did, and that third baby almost killed me.   The doctors advised against trying that again... I heeded their advice and the fourth child was a gift from a selfless woman who made our family complete. 
 
I will be forever grateful that I had a right to privacy and was able to choose to end my pregnancy with Evan so we both had a chance to live.  Women in that health crisis today would be denied the right to end the pregnancy… and that is religious tyranny. 
 
On the other side of the Abortion Issue, I will be forever grateful that Deb chose to carry her baby to term and that she chose to give Randy and I the most precious gift we ever received!  Those were the private choices made during our reproductive years, and I am so happy we had the opportunity to make those choices for ourselves.  

We can't go back.  Women have the right to control their bodies and their health.  If anyone asks for my opinion on what they should do when faced with an unplanned pregnancy, I will explain their options - all of their options, to the best of my ability.  And then I will make sure that she knows that the choice is hers.

 
NOTE:  Talked to my Doctor and he thinks going to Washington D.C. to get arrested is a bad idea.  Evidently talking about Roe Vs. Wade raises my blood pressure... So anyway, he cautioned that if I thought I could fit in a trip and an arrest around blood tests, Dermatology visits, the new diet, new medication, new exercise regime… then maybe… but he’d rather I didn’t.  OK – fine! I am happy that there are groups mobilizing to fight this Draft document… soooooo I “choose” to stay home and work on my health and staying calm.  But just so you know – it is my choice.  And FYI - I sure as hell won't vote for anyone who doesn't support a woman's right to choose - a woman's right to life.  

I have a ton more pictures but here is a sampling of what I would have missed if the Supreme Court has their way...

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