September Sucks...

I fully anticipated that I was going to be ok this September.  I wasn’t going to lament my whole “Wake Me Up When September Ends” theme song from Green Day… You know the song I mean…  
Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last, Wake me up when September ends…
Let me make this perfectly clear – September is and will always be a shit month – in my estimation, it deserves that designation.  However, in recent years, I have made a conscious effort not to let the memories of September dominate my thinking.  It’s a let go kind of thing – it’s a healing kind of thing  -- maybe even a maturity kind of thing. 
Like my father’s come to pass… Seven years has gone so fast… Wake me up when September ends…
Note to self… congratulations Sue for getting through a significant portion of September before having the initial September 2023 Episode of “I want to crawl back in my bed and sleep until this crazy ass month is over” moment… I mean, 18 days into September before the “Losing my September Shit Moment” is amazing – it’s got to be a record. 
Here comes the rain again… Falling from the stars… Drenched in my pain again…
There is a surprise to what will set you off… the shocker doesn’t come creeping around a corner in the dark…or jump out of a closet… it gradually appears in full daylight, the traffic light, the cement truck in position, workers readying the spot, the motion draws your attention, you look to the left as you pass by the City building … where is his tree?  There is no tree.  What the hell?
Becoming who we are… As my memory rests… But never forgets what I lost… Wake me up when September ends…
When my husband Randy passed away in 2006, he was the City Administrator of Fremont.  He was a special man who believed in God and lived his life in service to the public.  He loved me and our family.  He worked hard to make Fremont an affordable, decent, welcoming and safe place to live. 
I have fond memories of Randy racing out to the car at lunch time, so we could grab a quick bite to eat.  Anyone who knew Randy, knew that he ran into and out of the office… it was really cute.  That west entrance to the City building was special to me – it’s where we met, said our goodbyes, where I saw him running to my car, where I saw him running as he returned to work…
I wanted to plant a tree in Randy’s memory and I was so happy that the City allowed us to use a grassy area on the west side of the building.  I had a rock from his parent’s farm engraved with his name and the date of his birth and death and placed it beside the tree.  It was a lovely reminder to me of that sacred spot where I would see my Randy coming and going… it comforted me to know that his memory remained in a place that he held dear.
Eventually, the tree needed to be removed for the remodeling of the west entrance.  The City notified me and they assured me they would plant another tree and move the rock to another location.  The move was necessary and I was grateful that a new tree would be planted in his memory.  A tree planting ceremony was held the next year.  The tree died after the first winter… they notified me that spring that a replacement tree would be planted in the fall.   It was. 
This brings me to September 18th and the realization that the second replacement tree had been removed.  I’m heading out to Johnson Crossing.  My granddaughter left her ID at home… she needs it for lunch… I stay on task.  I hadn’t heard from anyone from the City.  I wonder why I haven’t heard from them.  I have a few minutes, so I dial Randy’s old number… 727-2630… I still remember it… how long has it been?  Seventeen years Seventeen years, seven months and 18 days…
  Summer has come and passed… The innocent can never last… Wake me up when September ends…
I speak to someone who has been there only two years.  He does not know what I am talking about… Randy Reyzlik… never heard of him… tree?  Rock?  I have no idea.  I’m the only one here…
Now I’m flustered… why can’t I remember Brian’s assistant’s name?  I ask him if he remember the lady who took Jan Rise’s place… I don’t know who Jan Rise is…  No one  is left up on second floor who remembers anyone… this makes me sad…  We finally figure out that Mark is still with the Park’s Department and he will send me his cell phone number.  Maybe he will know what is going on.
I arrive at the 5-6 building and take Rai’s ID card to the office.  I come back to my car and find that I haven’t received a text message.  I return home via Military Avenue.  As I drive, I call Casey and tell her I’m drawing a blank on Layla’s sister’s name… Lottie – oh shit – is she still with the City – yes.  I decide to stop at the City Office and see if Lottie is in… I won’t tell her I couldn’t remember her name. 
I park in the lot and walk to the west entrance.  I’m feeling fine… just need to find out about the tree.  As I near the ramp, I decide to look at the rock… I take a picture of the empty tree spot and the rock… I’m thinking that this is a rather good planting location now that the ramp is here… people will see Randy’s tree and rock!   I vow to take the ramp and say Hi to Randy… that is, if I ever enter the building again. 
Opening the door, I am surprised at the large lobby area.  It’s nice.  The new elevator is to the left… they must have taken out that first floor office to make the lobby… cool.  The old elevator is gone… I remember how there was a little door in that original elevator… when Ramie was a toddler, she would ride the elevator and tell everyone that the little door is where the monkeys go.  I recalled the times Randy would ride the elevator, holding Ramie high on his hip while I ran down the stairs to see who would win the race… it was a hilarious lunch time ritual – you had to be there!
I walk into the Department of Utilities payment area – everyone is busy – no one makes eye contact.  I used to be greeted – those days are past… A man from the armored truck company comes up and knocks on the door, a woman comes from the back-office area to let him in.  I walk over to get her attention before she can close the door and ask if Lottie is available.  She tells me she is out to lunch – I ask her to give her a message to call me… she will.
I walk back out the door to leave, but decide to take the elevator up to the second floor.  I haven’t gotten a text yet… that guy should have sent me Mark’s cell phone by now… it’s been over half an hour.   This new elevator is bigger… it’s nice… no place for monkeys though…
The desks behind the counter are empty except for one guy at the middle cubicle.  He looks at me dully… blank eyes – no smile.  I ask him if he is the one, I talked to earlier about the memorial tree.  He says no… continues to maintain a dull expression… staring ahead… no emotion.  
I tell him that I spoke with a gentleman who was going to text me the phone number for Mark and he hasn’t done it… I ask him if he can give me his number.  At this he stands up and says yes and then corrects course and says, maybe you talked to “fill in the blank” (I don’t remember names at all.) and walks to an office on the east side of the building. 
A young gentleman comes out holding his cell phone.  He informs me that he is the one I talked to.  Since the tree is planted on this building site, the person I need to talk to is Lottie.  I inform him that I have left a message for her to call.  He is still talking about how he can’t do this and he doesn’t know that… and he looks at me as if I’m the most pathetic person on the planet… then I see Nate sitting at Kim’s old desk…I leave the young gentleman, name unknown – don’t care, standing there talking about nothing, holding his cell phone, protecting Mark’s privacy…
Ring out the bells again… Like we did when spring began… Wake me up when September ends…
I enter Nate’s office and ask – Do you know me?  He smiles and says yes – Hi Sue.  The tears well up inside my eyes and I am overcome by gratitude that someone here on second floor knows me and will smile at me.  Everything has changed.  Randy is gone… again.  Kim is gone… that makes me sad… so much has changed and yet shitty September remains.
Not a single person… no one… right now… right here… has any direct knowledge of Randy Reyzlik… no one knows what he meant to the City and what he meant to me and my kids.  At least Nate knows me - I'm still sad but less so.  Strengthened, I walk back into the office of the man who had originally taken my call… With tears in my eyes, I tell him that Randy Reyzlik was special, he was a great man, a dedicated public servant… I encourage him to look him up – google him – find out about the guy who has a tree and rock dedicated to him at the end of the ramp… all city employees should strive to be like him.  I leave, taking the familiar steps down… as the tears fall, I imagine Randy and I are rushing out to lunch…
Here comes the rain again… Falling from the stars… Drenched in my pain again… Becoming who we are… As my memory rests… But never forgets what I lost… Wake me up when September ends…
I have lots of wonderful memories of Randy and I will always cherish the special times we shared together.  Randy came into my life when I least expected it and he added so much to my existence.  I am grateful that I had a wonderful caring, loving, smart, funny man who loved me and all of our children.   September 2004 is when Randy was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor.  He underwent the delicate surgery at Methodist Hospital. The doctors were only able to remove a portion of the tumor.  Randy bravely fought the tumor with chemotherapy and radiation...he was doing great! The next September, in 2005, the tumor, instead of shrinking, began to grow.  The Green Day song referenced in the article, speaks to me... September is a beautiful month and yet it sucks... you never know how it will come back unexpectedly to bite you on the ass... 
​Wake me up when September ends...