A Really Stupid Story...

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     I have a story – it’s a stupid story – a really stupid story!  Like most stupid stories, I have to back up and set the stage… soooo, a few weeks ago, Rai and I are coming home, it’s dark and we pull in the driveway.  The headlights scan the backyard, and I see the usual horde of marauding rabbits scatter quickly to their respective hiding places.  However, on this night, there was a fat raccoon kind of loping off into the wild part of the yard.  I happily shout to Rai – “Did you see that raccoon?”  Nope – all she saw were rabbits. 
     Wow – I have a raccoon in the backyard – that’s cool.  I bet they (the rabbits and raccoons) are dining on the crabapples falling from the trees… a delectable treat no doubt.  I even took a flashlight out into the backyard and tried to find the raccoon.  It was the flashlight on my phone so it wasn’t all that bright and after a few minutes of searching, I decided that I really didn’t want to come face to face with a pissed off raccoon in the dark… so I went in the house.
     I’m filing this information away because – children’s stories.  The critters in the backyard are cluttering up my head – whispering that they need a story dedicated to their adventures.  I think about this on and off as I am putting the finishing touches on The Greedy Goose… One project at a time…
Fast forward to yesterday.  It’s cold outside.  Maybe 15 degrees – feels like 5… cold like cold.  I go out to start the car to take Rai to school.  The car takes a sec to catch… there is a hesitation.  Oh, I don’t like that, but thankfully, the car starts and I take Rai to school.  When I return home, I park in the driveway.  I remember thinking to myself – it’s better to have the car in the driveway if I need a jump.
     Later in the morning, Sara my oldest daughter comes to wrap Christmas presents and sort out our menu for Christmas Eve.  I tell her that my car had a moment of uncertainty in starting this morning.  We talk about the fact, that the car probably has the original battery, and it likely needs a new one.  I agree that I should get a battery, but I’ll wait until I’m on the road or someplace inconvenient and the car completely dies before I act.  We laugh.
     Sara and I (mostly Sara) get a lot done on our Christmas Prep Day.  We order lunch and talk about politics and family matters.  I have to get ready to go to the dentist, she has to finish up her wrapping, so she can get to Ceresco to pick up Gracyn from school.  My appointment is in 15 minutes, I hug Sara goodbye and leave her sitting on the living room floor wrapping the last of the gifts. 
     It’s still cold out and the car is dead – nothing – dead.  I return to the house… stomping back into the living room… Sara looks up startled…  “What?”  The battery is dead!  “Are you kidding me – for real?”  Dead!  I start making phone calls… the dentist – the appointment is rescheduled for next week, Triple A – someone will be out by 3:00 to give me a jump start, Eileen – she will pick up the girls from school.  I call the school to tell Rai that Eileen will be picking her up… Rai calls me back – we talk about the problem.
    This is Wednesday, church night.  We’re supposed to be going to the family Christmas dinner – maybe Rai and her friend can just go – I need to get a battery… I tell Rai that Eileen can bring her and her friend to our house or Eileen can take her friend to her house and then drop Rai off at our house – I explain that I don’t know how this whole car thing and battery thing is going to work out – so you guys have to be a little flexible… she tells me that she will talk to her friend and see what her friend wants to do… good idea.
      I call Dillon’s to see if they can get a new battery in my car yet this afternoon… they tell me to bring it out once Triple A gets it started, and they will try to get someone to put a new battery in before they close!  Rai texts me later, her friend will have her mom pick her up from school, Rai will ride the bus, can Eileen pick her up at the bus stop?  I call Eileen – she will be happy to pick up Rai at the Bus Stop – she was not that excited to be picking her up at the “middle school nightmare on Johnson Road”… I text Rai back – ride the bus.  Eileen will make sure you get in the house, lock the door!
     I call the church to let them know that our day and evening plans have been severely compromised by a deceased battery… they are understanding.  Then, I wait for AAA roadside service.  Just a few minutes after three, I get a phone call – my AAA guy is here – hooray! 
     I run out and pop the hood and he attaches his portable charger – the car struggles – nothing – he repositions his clippie things – the engine catches and I’m back in business.  My AAA guy tells me to let it warm up a few minutes and for sure not to turn it off.  Then he asks me how I got a big rock under the hood?  I had to get out of the car to come look at this rock, sitting big as you please, on the little ledge, right under the window and wipers. 
     This big old rock – not a pebble, was sitting there… it was strange… it was like someone put it there.  He asked me if I put it there – no, why would I put a rock there?  He goes on thinking out loud, if a rock that size flew up there and then fell down here, it would have shattered the windshield, don’t you think?  I gave him my best “pondering the possibilities face” and said “ya”.  I skipped a beat or two and then said, I bet it was the raccoon – I saw a raccoon in my yard a few weeks back and I bet he brought me a gift or maybe it is a threat… this time it was his turn to put his best “pondering the possibilities face” on and said “ya”.  Then he told me to have a good rest of my day and to definitely get a new battery… I headed out to Dillons.
     So now fast forward a bit, I’m sitting in the waiting area at Dillons – none of the customers are acknowledging the other people waiting for the vehicles to be serviced.  People are on their phones, one lady is reading a newspaper, an older gentleman wearing cowboy boots moseys on over to the coffee machine and makes himself a cup of fresh brew, one of the salesmen comes through and fills up a water bottle… there is a television on, but the volume is so low, I can’t hear it.  I decide to play wordle on my phone…
     An hour passes, the lady across from me gets a phone call, from her side of the conversation, I can tell that they are discussing a child and what to have for supper… pizza sounds good, blah, blah, blah…another lady is getting antsy – she keeps getting up and moving around – she was sitting there when I got here… more time passes…
     The guy that checked me in came to talk to the antsy lady.  He says that they are almost done, blah, blah, blah… she smiles and says blah, blah, blah… more time passes…
     Then the guy that checked me in, returns to tell me that they are almost done with my car and they’ve taken a video of all the work they did under the hood… would I like to see the video.  The first thing out of my mouth is a little loud… “Wow – did they find the raccoon?”  He laughs – no nothing like that – the video just shows the engine and a view of the work we did – there’s no problems, it’s a new feature we offer our customers.  Can I send you the video?  “Sure – it would have been more fun if you found a raccoon.”  He nodded his head yes in agreement and turned away, heading back into the service area to retrieve the video and send it to my phone.
     After he was gone, I leaned forward to ask the antsy lady, who was seated once again, if she had been asked to view a video of their service work.  She smiled warmly at me and said, yes, he had asked her.  Was there anything interesting on the video?  No, she had looked at it and sent it to her son – if there was something to be learned from it, he would know.  Oh well – that’s disappointing… she looked at me like I was weird.
     A few minutes later a woman approached me from the service area… “Excuse me, I overheard you ask her about the video.  That is something we have just started offering.  We haven’t received any comments about it, and I wanted to ask what you thought of it.”   
     So, this is where I get pretty stupid… “Oh, I was asking her if she saw anything fun on her video?  I had to have Triple A come out and jump start my car and when we lifted the hood, the guy found a big rock on the ledge just under the windshield… he asked if I put it there… like I would put a rock under my hood…
     I told the Triple A guy that I thought it was the raccoon in my yard putting a surprise present under the hood for me… or maybe it was a threat – raccoons can be threatening.  It would be funny if they were taking a video and they found a raccoon, or a critter that had died chewing on the wires… I was ready for a critter crime mystery.  Video evidence would be absolutely wonderful.”
     The service woman, laughed uncomfortably, “Oh well, since it is a new service, I just wanted to know what you thought.”  I answered honestly, “I haven’t seen the video yet, but I would love an under the hood video with a surprise twist – not an expensive twist – but a funny raccoon twist would be great or maybe a possum – a possum twist would be fun!”  She agreed, slowly backing away from the conversation and then hurriedly returning to the service work area.
     The antsy lady and the lady directly across from me were now engaged… the guy sitting to my right was actively avoiding eye contact and hunkering down into the corner of the sofa.  I’m thinking - that’s alright – I don’t need him; I have these two ladies to play with me. 
     I tell my captive audience that I write children’s stories.  I write what I know.  So, I keep notes on what happens with the animals in my yard – who visits – who lives there – and how they may fit into a future story.   The fact that a rock ended up in an unusual place – under the hood of my car – is highly suspicious – no human would ever do such a thing – it must have been a clever critter – friend or foe – I just don’t know.  They laugh.
     I tell them about the owls and the decapitated bunny rabbits that litter the yard in the spring… the owls can be messy.  I tell them about the hawks who hunt the owls and leave the trashed feathers on my deck.  I tell them about the cats and the fox and the turkeys that travel through the gardens… and finally, I give them a chance to speak.
      The antsy woman tells me that her sister had a possum crawl up under the hood of her car one time.  Oh really – do tell.  Ya – she saw a tail hanging down and thought it was dead, so she grabbed the tail. She pulled the possum out and it wasn’t dead – that possum was mad, and it scared her.    “That’s what I’m talking about – that would be a great video!  I can imagine the illustration.”
     See – I told you it was a stupid story.  But to me, it’s a funny stupid story – and I entertain myself with really stupid stuff.  The day was chaotic, creative, entertaining, productive, non-productive, fun, worrisome and lots of people helped me cope with it all, along the way.  I enjoyed myself. 
     When I went to pay my bill, I was surprised to see Sheila Petit sitting behind the desk.  Sheila worked with Randy for years and she is an old friend.  It was good to see her, catch up and get a hug. 
     In conclusion:  I’ve given this whole stupid story thing a lot of thought and I’m convinced the raccoon did it.  Thoughts?  And remember – nothing is too stupid to share.



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